Let’s go ahead and continue our discussion from last blog post, Keeping Yourself Honest During the Process. As was previously stated, there are certain measures or systems that, most likely, need a permanent place setting in the carrying out of our process journeying. And, the process for identity refinement is no exception.
We’re going to have moments in the process that seem almost fairytale-like, where everything seems to be running on all cylinders, everything is right with the world, and progress is happening seamlessly. But, there will be moments that aren’t the most pleasant and that can be downright difficult to manage while we’re going through the process. And, we need motivational measures or systems (already in place) to help fend off the adversaries (from within and without) that try to stifle or outright stop our progress in the growth journey.
So, with keeping in mind that we always want to enter a process with the idea that we’re going to do our best to set ourselves up for success (rather than failure), then we have to figure out how to keep moving toward our goal post when the hard times come.
That’s where the measures or systems come into play.
You might even call them . . .
CONTROLS.
You know how we do.
We like the path of least resistance. We want the smooth path . . . the easy road . . . the convenient option. And, we do our very best to avoid opposition when we see it coming. No need to engage in the struggle if we don’t have to. Resistance is a naughty word. And, challenges are only welcomed when they fit our narrative and can be managed on the terms we’ve set.
Soooo?
How do we continue on a path that’s not so smooth, easy, or convenient — a path that presents some challenges to be managed in order to keep moving forward with the process?
Well, we have to determine those behaviors that would positively impact us and encourage us to constructively and productively GET THINGS DONE in the process. And, on the other hand, we have to identify the behaviors that would negatively impact us and cause us to get off track, slow down, or halt progress on the process.
Not only do we need to identify these behaviors on both sides, but we need to be highly sensitive to when they make their appearances in our process journeys. Because the way in which we handle these behaviors is the difference between our success and our failure in accomplishing what we’ve set out to accomplish.
And here’s the thought process that goes behind this whole identifying behaviors exercise:
- Those behaviors that keep me moving forward in the process are the behaviors I want to reinforce, encourage, and support. Therefore, I must incentivize myself to continue to do them, because they’ll get me closer to my goal destination.
- Those behaviors that impede process progress from happening are the behaviors I DON’T want to reinforce, encourage, and support. In fact, if at all possible, I want these behaviors to be distinguished altogether or (at the least) minimized substantially.
And once you’ve gone through that part of the thought process, then you need to fit the measures or systems to the behaviors.
Think of it like this:
The measures and/or systems that are set in place become the rewards or penalties delivered to us when we engage in behaviors that are positive or negative to our process advancement.
Rewards – What measures and/or systems can you set in place to encourage the continuation (and, therefore, strengthening) of those behaviors that are helping you progress in the process?
Penalties – What measures and/or systems can you set in place to make it uncomfortable to do those behaviors that aren’t serving you in progressing in the process? (Because remember: it’s in our nature to avoid discomfort if we can. So, the idea would be that penalties will prevent you from exhibiting the wrong behaviors or will lessen the likelihood of you easily engaging in those behaviors because negative consequences will result.)
It’s called positively reinforcing those actions that are working for our identity-refining purposes and strategically minimizing those actions that aren’t.
YOUR ASSIGNMENT:
- Identify the positive behaviors you want to continue to display in the identity-refining process. Write them down.
- Identify the negative behaviors you don’t want to display in the identity-refining process. Write them down.
- What specific measures/systems can you put in place to reward yourself for doing those things (positive behaviors) that will keep you moving forward in the process (even through adversity)? Write them down.
- What specific measures/systems can you put in place to penalize yourself for doing those things (negative behaviors) that will cause you to back out of your commitment to the process? Write them down.
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