Accountability That Balances: A Writing Therapy Reflection

Just recently (this morning exactly), I had the opportunity to engage in a conversation of tough love, but love nonetheless. You know how you can sometimes look like the bad guy or girl when you have to say “no” to someone you love, but you’re not saying “no” to be mean or demeaning or anything negative at all? You’re saying “no,” because if you decide to say “yes” to the thing your loved one wants or wants you to do for him or her, then you’re really adding to the negative effects in his or her life. You know what I mean?

I bet you do. (Probably have a story or two you can share about your own experiences with this scenario.)

But, I choose to look at such scenarios in this way:

Sometimes, we don’t have our best interests in mind when we do things. Now, our intentions are never preset to go out and hurt ourselves on automatic. I mean  . . . we don’t wake up in the morning and think, “Hmmmm, what can I do today to go against my best interests?” We don’t literally say such things with our mouths, but our actions have an uncanny way of speaking louder.

And truly, we (human beings) don’t always count or add up the cost(s) for the things that we do — when we’re in the moment of doing them. That’s why it’s important to have checks and balances in our lives. And accountability partners (or honestly, just really good people in your life, in general) can make all the difference in the world when it comes to helping you to get on the right path and to stay on it. To hold you accountable for the things that come out of your mouth that you say you’re going to do — all the good, well-intentioned stuff.

But then, all of a sudden, you have short-term memory loss when it gets down to actually doing the good, well-intentioned stuff. And instead of doing those things that you said you were going to do (the things that are truly leading you to life improvement), you bypass that trajectory and back peddle to the old ways that haven’t been serving you very well.

So, I think it’s an incredible blessing when you have people in your life who will hold you in check, keep you accountable, be that sounding board of common sense and wisdom, and remind you to get your mind in the right place. These types of individuals are to be appreciated and respected because they can, sometimes, help prevent us from making shipwreck in our lives.

And one of the reasons this blogging community has been so precious to me is because you all have kept me accountable more times than you can care to imagine. Even without knowing you were doing it. I’m completely serious here. If I would have left the challenges I’ve faced and limiting beliefs I’ve had to overcome on my online journey up to myself at certain points in my timeline, I definitely wouldn’t be where I’m at in my journey right now and as encouraged in my journey as I am right now.

There have been strongholds and obstacles that I’ve been able to tear away from and bombard my way through, quite frankly, because of YOU. I reported to you all that I was going to do something, told you publicly, believed you would hold me accountable for doing what I said, and there you go. I got ‘er done — solely based on the fact that I didn’t want to let you down.

At those times of my weakest points where I wanted to give up and forget about it and move onto something easier, knowing that I told you I was going to do THE THANG is what pulled me through. Amazing, how accountability partners will do that for you. Again, even when those accountability partners aren’t realizing they’re doing anything at all.

It’s the psychology of it all. Just knowing you have the potential to call my bluff at anytime or to label me a liar because I didn’t do what I said I’d do is enough to keep me moving forward.

(Hey, I definitely don’t want that “Liar” label. Not at all. And in case there have been some things I said I was going to do and haven’t done to-date, don’t label me just yet. I ALWAYS set out with the best of intentions. So, error on the side of giving me the benefit of the doubt and just consider that I just may not have gotten to THOSE things yet. But, you can feel free to bring your list (of my “not completed” list of to-dos) to my attention ’cause the old memory forgets and moves on to new things from time to time.)

And then, I’ve had some great people show up very actively in my nook of the blogosphere and say some of the most profound things on this blog — things that have set me on the right course or reminded me to stay there. One of which I MUST mention today. I just HAVE TO!

Phil!

Phil has been a continuous source of true encouragement to me on this blog. His “pulls no punches,” straight-forward, what-you-read-is-what-you-get, and sound and sage wisdom is next-to-none. He’s the kind of person you know will tell you like it is. I really appreciate people like that. ‘Cause I don’t need the sugar-coating. (Well, not all the time, anyway. Maybe just some of the time. Hee. Hee.)

Not only is Phil a content creator but he is an educator. And he educates me every time he writes something profound in my comments section. Sometimes, he’s admonishing me, sometimes reminding me, sometimes correcting me, sometimes relating to me, sometimes just making me chuckle or nod my head in true “Amen” fashion. But, he’s ALWAYS educating and encouraging me.

I’ve never talked to Phil verbally or seen him face-to-face, but that’s how powerful words (even written words) can be. They can be that perfect thing at that perfect time that changes the trajectory of someone’s life forever. You never know, so take extreme care with how you deliver your words (written or verbal) to others.

Words can also bring people together that may never get to be in each other’s physical presence. How cool it is to be able to form a relationship with someone based on the positivity of heartfelt words that go out and don’t return void.

And yes, Phil is one of my accountability partners. I mean . . . he doesn’t wear a name badge with that title, but he is. He’s definitely spoiled me, and now he’s stuck with me.

I just want you to check out this comment that Phil left for me last week on my post, Indecision is a Progress Killer: A Writing Therapy Reflection. After reading it, tell me — doesn’t he sound like an accountability partner? And doesn’t he sound like someone who is going to expect me to do the things I stated I’m going to do that WON’T bring negative consequences in my life?

I am sorry to hear that things are getting on top of you somewhat. Without knowing the details, I think it may have something to do with your eagerness to achieve many things at the same time. It is always good to have goals, aspirations, and destinations, but these must be tempered with direction, ability, priorities, family, and health. I believe that the word “balance” is very relevant at this stage of the discussion. All eight of the above relevant words, and their meanings, need to be in every person’s mind as they progress through life. Maintaining that balance, between the sometimes-competing aspects of one’s life, ensures that we focus on what is most important first, and work down the list from there.
I know I have mentioned this before, but we all need to work on our priorities in life and ensure that we stick to them. Health and family are probably the two that should be on the top of everyone’s priority list because, without those, life becomes unbearable.

Just wanted to give you your flowers, Phil. You’re good people. And you’ve made quite the impression on my life. Even from a distance. Keep the comments coming, my friend. I truly need your candor. It keeps me checked and balanced and remembering the important things in life I’ve said I would be focusing on. Your written words mean more than my written words can wholeheartedly express. I MEAN THAT!