Lesson #7: Patience is an absolute must-have when working educationally with your child. Yes, patience is what’s on the menu for today. And quite frankly, if I was actually doing these lessons in the order of necessity or importance, I probably should have listed “having patience” as Lesson #1. Patience is a biggie when it comes to working with your child on any type of skill/skill level he or she is seeking to acquire.
And what I decided to do today is to simply repurpose some materials that I’ve distributed here on this blog as well as with my email-subscribing family, dealing with the topic of patience with children and their learning processes. In both content sources, I honed in on the idea that we can either assist our children in their growth or hinder their progress by the type of attitude, demeanor, and outlook we decide to convey while “helping” them. If we want them to cooperate in helping us to help them make positive strides in their lives, then we’d better put on some patience — because we’re going to need it.
Isn’t it true that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar? Not that our children are anything like pesky flies by any means. Well, you know where I’m going with that one. I totally mean it on a purely figurative (here’s an analogy for comprehension purposes) type of way. Hee. Hee.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy these excerpts (below) from my blog post, entitled The Golden Rule of Patience, and my mini ebook, entitled The Part You Play in Assisting Your Child with Doing Hard Things.
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In all you do, LET PATIENCE RULE. Such a simple concept, but one that is often overlooked.
Now, I didn’t have patience on a short leash when it came to giving my older children driving lessons (surprisingly); but at times, I practically choked the life out of it when homeschooling Little Man for first and second grades. Here is where my patience level was tested on a daily basis. And for some reason, I’m guessing that the extra dose of patience would have easily manifested itself if I were teaching someone else’s child given the same set of circumstances I was dealt when homeschooling my own child.
Why is that?
Could it be that I have higher expectations of my son (because quite frankly he’s my son) and it’s more difficult for me to wait on excellence from my own child than to wait for it in someone else’s? This admission probably sounds terrible, but in all honesty, I think it resonates true for most parents when dealing with their children in the different pursuits of their lives.
If we don’t have skyrocketed expectations of our children in academics, then it’s in athletics or the arts or something else. But any talent extraordinaire will tell you that perfection takes time. And I tend to hold tightly to the realization that absolutely no man, woman, or child has reached that level of perfection where warm-ups, drills, scrimmages, do-overs, and overall practice are no longer needed. I’ll even go further and state that, as adults, we appreciate it when others extend a measure of patience to us when we need it. So, why would our children deserve anything less? (As I’m sending this message out to others, I’m definitely talking to myself, as I need a daily reminder.)
Please know that most children want to succeed in the activities they’re involved in. It’s just natural to want to do well or to win at something. So, as long as you see an effort being made, help rather than hinder your child. Sometimes, your impatience or frustration is the greatest deterrent to your child reaching his or her goals and successes. So, I’m striving to take on the following philosophy, and it’s deep. Are you ready? Okay, here it goes. Instead of obsessing about practice makes perfect, why not put some of your focus on my patience during my child’s developmental process can lead toward his or her successes? Deep, isn’t it?
It’s important that we, as the parents, set the tone for working toward assisting our children in achieving their goals (even those goals that may be a struggle for them). For example, if we know reading and writing activities are like “pulling teeth” to get our children to perform, then we can’t act like we’re dreading assisting them in these activities. We need to set the tone, set the stage, and be an example of positivity. If we do that, then it’s quite possible that we’ll receive more of a cooperative effort from our children.
Watching what we say and how we act, during times when our patience is running thin, can mean the difference between our child being uncooperative, feeling defeated, and giving up versus being cooperative, feeling encouraged to pursue the task at hand, and succeeding at something. So, it’s best to de-escalate a heightened sense of frustration by walking away from a heated moment that’s either ready to boil over or explode.
Taking such a stance gives you an opportunity to cool down and come back when you can be more objective, positive, and levelheaded with your child. Just take a 5-minute break during times like these. Walking away or breaking for a minute is not a sign of defeat or weakness on your part. It actually shows true strength and restraint. For in moments of anger, people tend to say and do things they wish they could take back. And because your child would be in the direct line of your wrath, cooling your jets, before reacting in a way that inhibits your child’s ability to learn and develop, is always the preferable way to respond to challenges in educationally instructing your child from home.
It’s possible to accomplish the unthinkable when we choose to own a challenging situation and not let that challenging situation own us. Only then can we manage to move forward. We have to be the examples for our children. If they see us enjoying ourselves, then it’ll be easier for them to let their “I don’t want to do it” guard down and comply with the task at hand.
Children will tend to project onto us what we’re projecting onto them. So, let’s not start out the gate with a sour mood because we know we need to get our child to perform some task that we know he or she will not willingly do. We need to own that mood that we set for our child and be creative with it. Let’s let him or her see us not dread what’s ahead and maybe more ground could be covered through positivity.
Children are impressionable and they tend to pattern off of the adults that are closest to them or most involved in their daily lives. And by adults cultivating an environment of exploration, imagination, and consolidation of fun into learning, a child can’t help but to become excited about all the possibilities that his or her learning journey holds. In turn, the learning process will become more of a delight than a dreaded occurrence and more of a privilege than an unwelcomed mandate.
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